


Can't make you love me

by zach_stone



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pre-Canon, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7044181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh smiled and pretended it was enough — because it should have been, even if it wasn’t. </p><p>--</p><p>Some good old-fashioned unrequited pining. Set pre-canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't make you love me

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends, i know i have about a million other things i should be working on but this idea has been floating around in my head for like weeks and i just decided to slam it onto a page. hopefully it's decent. who knows.

“So I was thinking I might ask Ashley to prom.”

Josh didn’t take his eyes off the TV screen, fingers mashing the controls of his Xbox. “Oh yeah?” he said.

“Yeah.” Chris shifted beside him, leaning back against the foot of the bed. “We’ve been hanging out so much lately, I dunno. I think she might actually like me, y’know?”

“Totally, man.” Josh’s fingers fumbled on the joystick, and his character was rapid-fire shot and killed. His grunted in frustration and paused the game.

Chris side-eyed him. “You alright, dude?”

“Super,” Josh said. He set the controller in his lap and rubbed at his eyes. “Just, um, sorta stressed about prom, I guess.”

“Have you asked anyone yet?” Chris said. Josh shook his head. “Why not? I bet there’s like, a dozen girls who would go with you, easy.”

Josh forced a laugh. “Yeah, you’re probably right. How’s about we see if you get the balls to ask Ashley out first, huh? Then we’ll worry about my date.”

Chris rolled his eyes, nudging Josh with his elbow. His cheeks were pink. “You really think she’ll say yes?”

“She’d be an idiot to turn you down,” Josh said, staring at Chris’s shoulder instead of his face. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, bro. You’re awesome.” He felt self-conscious, Chris’s gaze burning on his skin, so he said, “Hey, didn’t you say you had to be home by four? It’s like 3:45.”

“Oh fuck, you’re right,” Chris said, jumping to his feet. “Okay, I’ll see you later. I’ll let you know how it goes with Ashley!”

“Can’t wait,” Josh said with a too-big grin. Chris was distracted and didn’t notice. He gave a little wave and then left. Josh waited until the sound of his best friend’s footsteps clunking down the stairs had faded, and then he stood up and flopped onto his back on the bed. He let out a loud, “ugh!”

“Aw, Joshy,” came Hannah’s voice from the doorway. He lifted his head and saw her leaning against the frame, looking at him with pity in her eyes. “What’s up?”

“Chris is asking Ashley to prom,” Josh said with a sigh. “Which I totally saw coming, but like. It sucks ass.”

“You should’ve asked him instead,” Hannah said. Josh stared at her incredulously.

“Um, no? That would require me telling him that I have a big gay crush, and that I am in fact a big gay. Not happening.”

“I think you should tell him how you feel!” Hannah insisted. “It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

Josh scowled. “Right. And are you going to tell Mike how _you_ feel?”

She flushed. “That’s different.”

“Is it?” Josh sneered. He put on a high-pitched, overly bright voice. “Just ask him to prom, sis! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Don’t be mean,” Hannah said, cheeks bright red. She looked really upset, but Josh couldn’t seem to make himself stop.

“I’m just saying, if it’s _so_ easy,” he began, but Hannah had had enough. She turned on her heel, eyes shining, and stormed away. Josh sighed, the knot in his chest feeling tight and heavy. Why did he always have to be such an asshole?

A moment later, Beth came into his room and promptly grabbed a pillow from his bed and smacked him with it.

“What the shit?” he complained.

“Quit tormenting Hannah, you jackass,” Beth said, glaring down at him. “Go apologize to her before I kick your ass.”

He sat up, frowning. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Nice try. I heard everything you said, dummy. I know you’re all mopey because of Chris, but that’s no excuse. She was just trying to help.”

Josh pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’ll apologize. God, I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Beth’s expression softened, and she sat next to him on the bed. “Have you considered telling Chris? Not about how you feel, but that you’re gay.”

“Not an option,” he said in a small voice.

“Why? You think he’d have a problem with it? He’s never had a problem with Sam, or Jessica.”

“It’s not — I don’t know. I’m just not ready, okay?” He put his face in his hands.

Beth hesitated, then sighed and patted his arm. “Okay. Well, please go say sorry to Hannah. I hate when you guys fight.” The mattress creaked as she stood up and left.

Before Josh went to talk to Hannah, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Ashley.

> **Josh:** hey, u didnt hear this from me, but u should go 2 prom w/ chris
> 
> **Ashley:** omg!! he just called me and asked! i said yes :)

Josh smiled humorlessly at his phone and tossed it on his bed, heading out to make amends with Hannah.

 

\--

 

Prom arrived, and Josh was going stag. It wasn’t so bad — Beth wasn’t going with anyone either, and the two of them and Sam and Hannah all went out to dinner beforehand. It was fun, and Josh tried very hard not to obsessively wonder how Chris and Ashley were enjoying their dinner for two at Red Lobster down the block.

When they got to the prom venue, it was already in full swing, high schoolers dancing awkwardly and huddled in little groups around the buffet tables. Matt and Jessica, who’d come together as friends, spotted them first and waded through the crowd to reach them. The girls fawned over each other’s dresses, and Matt offered Josh a fistbump.

“‘Sup, man? You look sharp,” Matt said. Josh smiled, adjusting the cuff of his suit jacket.

“Thanks. You clean up pretty nice yourself,” he said. “So, any of the usual suspects here yet?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, Emily and Mike are here already, I think they’re by the punch bowl. Oh, and I saw Chris and Ash a bit ago, but I lost track of ‘em.” Matt smirked. “Think Chris’ll finally get lucky?”

Josh laughed too loudly. “Ha! Wouldn't that just be fan-fucking-tastic.”

Matt gave him a confused look. “Uh, yeah. Well anyway, I’m gonna go catch up with some of the other guys on the team. I’ll see ya.”

“Let’s _dance_ ,” Jess said, grabbing Beth by the hand and tugging her forward. The girls all giggled, and Josh watched them disappear into the throng of people on the dance floor. He scanned the crowd for the familiar blonde fauxhawk of his best friend, but he didn’t see him. Josh tried not to imagine what Chris and Ashley might be doing somewhere private. It was going to be a long night.

 

\--

 

Josh leaned up against the wall, staring broodingly at the dance floor. Chris and Ashley were a short distance away. The song playing was an upbeat one, and Chris was doing some ridiculous attempt at the robot while Ashley laughed. Josh’s stomach was sour.

“Prom sucks,” said a voice beside him. He looked up to see Hannah was leaning against the wall next to him. She was staring at Mike and Emily, who were grinding on each other with no hint of subtlety. Josh winced.

“It kinda does, yeah,” he agreed.

“I know it’s just some stupid, cliche ritual that won’t even matter in five years,” Hannah said. “But… I don’t know, I guess I set my expectations too high. I just wanted to dance with a cute boy and feel, you know, pretty.”

“You are pretty,” Josh said.

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t get it,” she said.

Josh frowned. “Okay, fine. I guess I don’t.” He pushed himself off the wall and wandered away. His eyes fell on Chris and Ashley again, and as the song ended, he was struck with an idea. He sidled up to them and tapped Chris on the shoulder.

“Oh, hey man!” Chris said, grinning. “I’ve been looking for you all night!”

“Mind if I cut in?” Josh asked, gesturing to Ashley.

“Um,” Chris said, looking confused. A slow song started to play, and all around them couples drew close together.

“I was thinking maybe you could dance with Hannah?” Josh said. “Just one dance?”

“Oh, yeah! Yeah, totally.” Chris immediately dropped Ashley’s hands and weaved through the crowd to reach Hannah. Josh and Ashley watched as Chris offered Hannah his hand, even giving her a little bow. She giggled and nodded, taking his hand and letting him twirl her onto the dance floor.

Ashley smiled. “So cute,” she cooed. Then she grabbed Josh’s wrist. “Okay, mister. I believe you offered me a dance.”

“Right,” Josh said. He put his hands on Ashley’s waist, and she placed hers on his shoulders. They swayed in a small circle.

“So,” Ashley said. “Are you having a good prom so far?”

“It’s alright,” he lied. “How about you? Gettin’ cozy with Chris?”

She bit her lip. “Honestly? He’s so sweet, and he’s such a great friend, but… I don’t know if I like him like that.”

Fighting to hide the instant wave of joy that hit him, Josh said, “What, really? How come?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to ruin the friendship we have. Have you ever had that happen?”

Oh, if only she knew. “Yeah,” he said, smiling ruefully. Then, worried maybe he was being too obvious, he added, “I mean, I totally feel that way about, uh… Sam. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Well, that and the gay thing,” Ashley said. 

Josh blanched. “What?”

She was looking at him funny. “Sam’s a lesbian?” she prompted.

Josh briefly considered stabbing himself with one of the plastic forks at the buffet table. “Right. That gay thing. Obviously. Haha.”

The song was reaching its end, and Ashley dropped her hands from Josh’s shoulders, taking a few steps back. “Okay, well, I’m going to get some punch. Thanks for the dance.”

“You bet,” he said. He saw Hannah and Chris ending their dance with a hug, and Hannah kissed Chris on the cheek. He blushed. Josh’s heart sped up, and he sighed.

Chris caught up with him as he left the dance floor, still flushed and beaming. “Your sister is literally the sweetest person on this earth,” he announced.

Josh chuckled. “Yeah, Han’s the best. You really made her night. Thanks for that, bro.”

“It was my pleasure,” Chris said, waving him away. “You have a nice dance with Ash? Did she say anything about me?” he asked eagerly.

Josh hesitated. “Um, yeah. Said you were cute or something. Score, dude.”

Chris got even redder, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh man. She really said that?”

“Sure. I mean, why wouldn’t she? You’re obviously cute.” Josh wanted to eat his words as soon as he said them. Chris didn’t seem to notice, still grinning goofily and now scanning the dance floor.

“Where’d she go, anyway? Ash, I mean.”

“I think she was getting a drink or something,” Josh said. He wanted to grab Chris by the sleeve and keep him close, but he was already drifting away.

“Thanks, bro. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yeah,” Josh said quietly, even though Chris was out of earshot. “Later.” He felt short of breath, tears stinging in his eyes. It was so stupid and embarrassing, but he couldn’t fight it anymore. He hurried for the door, elbowing past people without so much as an “excuse me.” He finally burst out the double doors, breathing in the crisp night air. It smelled like car exhaust and dust, but it cleared his head somewhat. He made his way over to his car, leaning against it and staring at his shaking hands. Why was he even still here? If he stayed long enough, he might even get to witness Chris and Ashley share a kiss. The thought was so painful to him that it made up his mind. He was leaving. He turned around, yanking open the driver side door.

“Hey!”

He jerked his head up to see Beth hurrying across the parking lot towards him. She had hiked up her poofy chiffon skirt, feet bare as she held her high heels in one hand.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Beth demanded.

“Home,” he said dully, sliding into the front seat. She reached the car and got into the passenger side, ignoring his glower as she stuffed her skirt around her ankles.

“What happened?” she asked.

He ignored her question. “Get out.”

“Nope,” she said.

He huffed angrily. “Okay, well, I’m leaving.” He stuck his keys in the ignition, trying to turn the key. His hands still shook badly, though, and he couldn’t get it to turn. “Fuck.”

“Josh, let me drive,” Beth said. He shook his head, staring determinedly at the keys. “Josh, seriously,” she said, putting her hand over his.

“No,” he growled, and he used her steadying grip to finally twist the key. The car rumbled to life, and Beth let go with a tiny, sad noise. He drove, directionless, and Beth didn’t try to talk to him. In fact, neither of them said anything until he ran a stop sign and almost crashed into another car. Beth shrieked, gripping his arm as he slammed on the brakes, the whiplash banging his chest into the steering wheel.

“Pull over,” Beth said, her voice wavering. He did as she said without argument, and she reached over and took the keys out of the ignition. He put his face in his hands and let a sob escape him.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered.

“It’s okay,” she said, rubbing his arm. “It’s okay. Let me drive you home, okay?”

“I should take you back,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You should be having fun at prom.”

“I’ll take you home, and then I’ll go back to prom, deal?” she said. He agreed, and they switched seats so she could drive the rest of the way home. He stared out the window, cheek pressed against the glass. “What happened?” Beth asked.

“Nothing. I just need to get over myself.”

“Josh.”

“I’m serious. He’s never going to feel the same way. I need to let it go. And you know how good I am at that.”

Beth snorted. “Oh, definitely.” Her voice grew more serious. “I’m sorry, Josh. This sucks.”

He tapped one finger against the window. “Yeah. It sure does.”

 

\--

 

When Beth dropped him off at home, he changed into his pajamas and curled on the couch, shoving potato chips into his mouth and watching some mindless infomercial channel with the sound off. It was a little after ten when someone knocked on the door. He frowned, getting up and padding over to the foyer, peering through the peephole.

It was Chris, still in his suit, hands shoved in the pockets, rocking back on his heels. Josh opened the door, and his best friend brightened immediately. “Hey!”

“What’re you doing here?” Josh asked. “Shouldn’t you be at prom? Wooing your girl?”

Chris shrugged. “Beth told me you left early. Figured you might want a bro to hang out with.”

Josh felt a rush of affection, followed by the anxious fluttering in his stomach as Chris elbowed his way into the house, shedding his suit jacket and untucking his shirt. He undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt a few buttons, exposing a bit of his sternum. Josh’s mouth went dry.

“Man, dressing up is the worst,” Chris was saying. “I feel like I can’t even breathe in this thing. Can I throw this stuff in your room?”

“I need to tell you something,” Josh blurted. He clamped his mouth shut, but too late — Chris was looking at him with welcoming curiosity. He had to say something.

“What’s up?” Chris asked.

“I… um, I’m gay.”

The silence was maybe five seconds, but it felt like five lifetimes. Chris looked first surprised, then concerned.

“Oh. Is that why you left? Did someone say something to you? Who was it? Just gimme a name and I’ll kick their ass.”

“Whoa, slow down, buddy,” Josh said. “No one said anything. I just, um, I thought I should tell you.”

“You know it’s fine, right? Like, it doesn’t bother me?” Chris said. Josh nodded.

“Yeah, I know.”

Chris dumped his jacket and tie on the floor and stepped forward to give Josh a tight hug. Josh stiffened before allowing himself to sag into the embrace.

“Thanks for telling me,” Chris said quietly.

“Thanks for not hating me,” Josh replied.

Chris clicked his tongue but said nothing. Finally, he pulled away, still looking worried. “So why _did_ you leave early?” he asked.

Josh’s heart pounded. He looked into Chris’s eyes, blue and familiar and kind, and he almost said it. Almost just blurted out every truth he’d tried so hard to bury, every jealous and longing emotion he’d tucked away behind a sarcastic smile for years. But he thought about how flushed and giddy Chris looked while talking to Ashley, and he knew it would be pointless. “Just not having a great night,” he said. He rubbed his forearm anxiously.

Chris believed him. “I’m sorry, man. Well hey, I’m gonna hang out with you the rest of the night til you feel better, okay?” Josh tried to protest, but Chris held up his hands. “I’m not taking no for an answer, bro. I’m your best friend. I’m always gonna be here for you, alright? So just deal with it.”

And Josh smiled and pretended that was enough — because it should have been, even if it wasn’t.


End file.
